Around The Twist

“ The old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, because she’s dead. ” Even though hating her is popular, I don’t hate Taylor Swift. Well, as a person I think she’s a bit grim, what with her refusing to add her music to Spotify because she thought she deserved to be paid more than roughly $73,500,000 a year, and she only added songs to Spotify to upstage her rival Katy Perry (which is funny because it’s unbelievably petty but also so unprofessional). But TayTay has the odd song I like. Shake It Off is the kind of song I like having on in the car, catchy and simple, and I quite enjoy Out Of the Woods even though I could have written better lyrics than that when I was five. And let’s not forget the classic memes that spawned from I Knew You Were Trouble , with the classic sheep (sheep, not goats , as people commonly believed) screeching instead of her own screeching. Generally her songs are catchy, and I can see why she has such a large fan following, particularly...

For the love of God, do not watch this show with your parents, or if you've got a nervous disposition. I’m a bit of a prude. Well, that’s an understatement. I hate nakedness. I am that person who cringes at women who walk around with their skirts halfway up their arses (sorry if that’s slut shaming them but seriously, put your wobbly bits away) or men who take their tops off when the temperature rises above twenty degrees. I hate how nipples look no matter who they belong to, I hate unsightly hair and stretch marks and scars and pimples and moles and all the gross stuff humans come with. Now, I am no shining beauty. I too have scars and stretch marks, and I can’t remember the last time I had a spot-free chin. But I don’t parade myself around either, and I certainly don’t stand stark naked on national television titled Naked Attraction. Yes, this show actually exists. Yes, it’s on Channel Four, the edgy teenager wailing ‘no one understands me’ of television channels, b...

This one’s for my mandem, little bit leave it. Did I say that right? Moving swiftly on... I watched this episode on plus one and was promised mega drama, and even got asked to review it. Like Kem’s hairstyles I do not disappoint, so here it is. Last night's episode kicked off in the hideaway with ‘the new Jamilla’. And AT LAST Camzilla in the villa’s lonely days are over and she couldn’t stop smiling in spite of her badly burned scalp (seriously babe, buy a sunhat). The two of them decided to tell people that they bonked even when they didn’t – which even the voiceover guy pointed out as being very sixteen-year-old ish. The girls all screamed, Montana even declaring she was “going to have a heart attack”. I’d like to say that’s not how women talk, but that would be a lie. Unfortunately, it is. Squealing and all. Camilla was worried she'd be the one who was unconvincing, but really, that was on Jamie. Forget Jesus being betrayed by Judas; the real sorrow is in h...

When it comes to deciding my least favourite contestant on Love Island, there's a lot of tough competition. There's Olivia, the kind of girl that would smack you in the face with a bin lid during a fight over chicken nuggets, or Jonny, who can be a kind-at-first-yet-actually-scummy piece of work yet still have everything work in his favour, or there's Craig, who has a tattoo of gallows on his arm and is clearly only flirting with Camilla for money and popularity, and let's not forget Gabby, that annoying friend in a relationship trying to set up all the other singletons because she 'just wants them to be as happy as her'. But after 24 episodes of Love Island - yes, that's right, this has basically been consuming my life for a month - I can confirm that my least favourite islander is Amber. Amber is that girl we all hated in school; vapid, vain and a huge attention-seeker, who can dish out the nastiness but not take it. All series she's had her sa...

Want to look like you're someone who 'keeps their options open'? How about looking straight out of a meathead/bimbo catalogue? Or maybe you're paying a visit to Essex and want to blend in with the locals. Well, fear not, my friends; here are some quick tips to get that Love Island look. For the gentlemen: Snazzy sunglasses. Got to protect yourself from the sun, after all. White, tight jeans. What else? The only time they're socially acceptable (in an ideal world that would be never ) is summer, so invest in the perfect pair of jeans to make you look like you've literally painted your legs white. Optional: pair with khaki t-shirt and loafers. Copious amounts of gel in your hair. Perfect for achieving that dream quiff. To achieve your dream 'do, live with a hair stylist like Kem. Oh, Kem. Matching his/hers infinity bracelets. Maybe pack a couple of extras just in case things go pear-shaped down the line.  Arm-to-chest tattoo sleeves. You don...

"It's amazing how nothing is happening but it feels like a lot is happening." - James Wreglesworth This TV show is dangerously addictive. I can thoroughly relate to the onslaught of memes from people who spend every day waiting for nine o'clock and their daily dose of Ibiza-themed drama. But for those of you that have missed an episode, or for fellow fans, I've done a review for each of the most recent eight episodes. Read 'A Prude's Perspective' if you want to know my take on the pilot. In episode two, a version of Spin The Bottle was played, featuring kind of disgusting shots of slow motion kissing. A statement was said about one of the islanders, and whoever the others believed it to be about got a kiss. It was very revealing (kudos to Dom and his foursome). Kem, who is steadfastly my favourite, especially as his freestyling trumps Marcel's entire music career, told a wee porky about Amber, saying her sleeping with two blokes in one night pu...

#DecisionTime #TheChoiceIsYours  - Jessica's text I can't say that I've ever watched an episode of Love Island before. I find 'reality' TV shows to be overall quite grating, with the exception of Made In Chelsea, but I tend to watch that for the majestic Mark Francis Vandelli. But now that I finally live in a student house with a telly (hooray) and I have a house mate that likes trash so much she has a HayU account (s/o to the fabulous Katy), I got to watch my first ever episode of Love Island. The show, featuring 'sizzling days and steamy nights' is hosted by none other than Harry Styles' older lady friend Caroline Flack, who is the human equivalent of a tuna sandwich. Couldn't they have got someone with good banter to host this show? Flacky just kind of stood there cracking bad 'jokes' and dropping in the odd comment about faithfulness and how gorgeous all the women are. 'Gorgeous' is a term I'd use very loosely as wel...

Needless to say there are major spoilers ahead. I suppose it’s probably a bit weird to watch a film just because a certain actor/actress you like is in it, but we all do it. I only watched the dire M. Night Shymalan’s Split for my hero and all-time bae, James McAvoy, and I only watched Assassin’s Creed for the chiseled god that is Michael Fassbender. So, naturally, when I saw the trailer for Alien: Covenant featuring the one and only Fassy, I had to go and see it. Now I watched Prometheus back in 2012 when I was a little fifteen-year-old, and I found it to be the weirdest, most confusing film I’d ever seen. Every single question was left unanswered and Charlize Theron died in the most Scooby-Doo way imaginable, running forwards into the path of a falling ship rather than to the side away from it. I loved the film’s soundtrack, and the acting in it was reasonably good, but the film was so confusing I just got irritated by it (plus the jump scares were so easy to for...