Eurovision 2018

Eurovision 2018 was one of the best and biggest yet, with a record-breaking 43 countries participating, even if only 26 made it to the Grand Final. It was classic Eurovision, with spectacular stage lights and whizzing camera work that made me a bit dizzy. This year the big night was hosted in Lisbon for the first time ever. The hosts were four pretty, glamorous women (who had a few outfit changes throughout the night, and one of whom, as Graham Norton rather cattily pointed out, had enormously long arms). They had a 'moment of comedy' halfway through the show about how they've only just won for the first time because they stuck to their principles and only ever entered sad, 'meaningful' songs, which may indeed be hilarious to the Portuguese, but I was just left scratching my head. Good for them for finally getting to host, though. I just hope they made the most of it.

Israel won, with Netta Barzilai's song 'Toy' being both the bookies' fave and the big winner. She said she was happy that Eurovision is about diversity, which is nice. "How does her victory represent diversity?" my dad asked me. I'm assuming it's because she's - and not to body shame here - a little on the large side, rather than being a 'sexy' singer like the entry from Cyprus. She confirmed this in an interview, saying that this song is for everyone who has been struggling with being themselves, whether they've been told they're not skinny enough or not pretty enough. And I respect that. Her song was a bit weird, I'll admit, featuring her making chicken sounds (don't ask why) and noises I can only really think of as 'scatting', but nonetheless it was very catchy, and VERY Eurovision. Better than All About That Bass by any means.

Alexander Rybak was ry-BACK (I'll stop) representing Norway this year after his big win in 2009 with 'Fairytale'. And, bless him. He has a beautiful smile that just makes you want to give him a hug, but he should have quit while he was ahead, because 'That's How You Write a Song' was so repetitive and forgettable. How do you write a song? Well, apparently all you have to do is 'believe in it' and 'roll with it'. That's it. Nothing else to it. If you say so, Alexander, but maybe if you'd done a bit less 'rolling with it' and a bit more 'putting some serious effort into it' you could have ranked a bit higher. But he's so cute, though. I can't resent him. He's a lovely young man.

Ireland was faced with some controversy this year after Chinese broadcasters censored their performance, which featured two LGBT* blokes dancing as the song depicted the tale of a same-sex relationship. It's China's loss, really, as it was a pretty good performance. Does that mean Drag Race is banned in China? Because no one deserves to miss out on Laganja Estranja's death drops yes GAWD. Put the bass in your walk, MangoTV. The guy-on-guy dancing was just to tell a story, at the end of the day. No more offensive than tattoos. Oh, wait, they dislike tattoos too. Moving on...

This drama was, in my opinion, overshadowed though by the stage invader. SuRie was representing the UK (woo) but was rudely interrupted by some wannabe political activist bloke charging the poor girl and snatching her mic right off her. Rude, in my opinion, and not clever or impressive at all. He really spoiled her moment, and it was a shame to see it happen, even if she did handle it remarkably well by continuing singing and doing us proud as a nation (even if she did seem pretty shaken up by it). He compared the UK media to Nazis (TurnItIn would have a field day with that originality), he's allegedly a rapper named 'Dr ACactivism' (I bet he doesn't have a doctorate or PHD though) and he was wearing a t-shirt plugging his own Ebook. Wow. What a tragic human being. I don't care what his political views are, he could have said literally anything, left or right, and it would have been the wrong thing to do. Graham Norton said it best: it doesn't matter how passionate you are or how noble your cause is; ruining someone's moment that they've worked incredibly hard for isn't the way to go about it. Poor SuRie. Bless her for handling it like an absolute pro. Just a shame people hate us too much to give her the points she deserved.

No one else got interrupted thankfully. There are too many countries for me to go into serious depth on all of them, but a highlight for me was Sweden's performance. Graham Norton said Sweden always puts on a terrific show, and he wasn't wrong. 'Dance You Off' was very entertaining to watch. Benjamin Ingrosso, who has been dubbed 'the Swedish Justin Bieber', strutted around onstage in some rather tight trousers, turning to smirk and wink at the camera, thus flirting with 200 million viewers. What a gem. His song wasn't outstanding, but it was very catchy. He sounds a bit like Justin Timberlake, too, which is a bonus. Plus, his face was just so funny. I used to think all I wanted in life was the confidence of a fat chav in a crop top, but now I just want the confidence of Benjamin Ingrosso.

My personal favourite act of the night was Mikolas Josef, representing Czech Republic and singing 'Lie To Me', to which Graham Norton responded "Ok, I'll lie; you're going to win". Savage, but funny. I liked Mikolas mainly because he dabbed AND did the floss (is that how you say that?) onstage, which is so bad it's good, but also because he was a good singer and had heaps of energy. I liked that he dressed like an absolute nerd with braces and a bow-tie but managed to be the coolest guy there. It was the closest song to having a bass drop. It was so CATCHY. He was a pretty tuneful singer. It was pretty cheeky, too, featuring lyrics like "her skirt goes up like Marilyn Monroe's" and "when the beat drops, she drops", which whilst rude is pretty funny. He was a cheeky chappy, and his song is the one I keep going back and listening to. I tip my hat to you, Czech Republic. Sorry you didn't win.

Graham Norton once again proved himself to be the world's greatest commentator, saying of Austria's singer: "Now he can go and get out of that outfit. Must be like a paddling pool in those trousers - not a very breathable fabric." Harsh, but true, as I was sweating just looking at his latex trousers. Other highlights include: 

• Graham Norton's SAVAGE "I give it a month" verdict on boyfriend and girlfriend Alfred and Amaia (Spain's entry, who have only been dating for a few months anyway). 

• Moldova's uber-camp, seriously fun, time-traveling door-opening extravaganza.

• An Irish man's outrage at Slovenia's stopping the music and requesting the audience to sing along.

• Australia's commentator Joel Creasey calling the stage invader 'some absolute cockhead' on live TV. Only in Australia.

• Ukraine once again proving themselves as my favourite Eurovision country ever by opening the show with a guy rising from a coffin before playing a flaming piano.

• Latvia giving us two points. Thank you, Latvia, for being the first country to get our tiny points ball rolling.

So, that's my yearly treat over once again *sniffles*. If you're yet to check out any of the songs, I recommend you go out and do that, as this year's selection was actually rather good. And, if you're one of those many people that hates Eurovision, then re-evaluate your life choices. Please. Eurovision is great.



All images belong to Eurovision and the BBC