Posts

Previously on Love Island

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After a slow start, Love Island 2019 FINALLY picked up. The ads for  Hey Tracey  and  Shopping with Keith Lemon  don't even make me think 'I've got a degree, why am I wasting my life?!' anymore. I just bloody love this show. It's comforting to know that in an ever-unpredictable world, there are some constants. Caroline Flack is still a bland presenter with terrible dress sense, the villa still has a tragically under-used pool, and the official Love Island website continues to sell named plastic bottles for £15 when they're actually worth about £2.17, if that. I don't really rate this year's islanders. My favourite is Anton, who I wanted to dislike at first because he was far too much of a  lad  in his pre-show interview, and the size of his calves upsets me. I just love his sunny attitude in the face of his horrendous luck (plus I'm prone to a Glaswegian accent...James McAvoy...Richard Madden...) He’s quite a gentleman at times, surprisingl...

RuPaul's Meh Race

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Disclaimer: I love Drag Race. The theme tune is catchy, the formula works pretty well, and most importantly, I love the queens that pass through the work room and the memes and amazing quotes they provide us fans with. I am definitely one of those white girls that shouts yaaaass queen and lives for dramatic arguments, big hair and glittery makeup. And it’s because I love Drag Race that I feel so strongly about this series and how relentlessly meh it is. I don’t know what it is, either the cast or just the editing, but series 11 has been so boring . It’s probably the cohort. I know there’ll never be another series 5, with the fabulous tongue popping walking laugh factory Alyssa Edwards and her explosive rivalry with Coco Montrese, and the loveable underdog Jinx Monsoon trouncing the bitchy Rolaskatox (two thirds of which I do love, though…just not you Roxxxy). But just because it can’t get as good as it once was, doesn’t mean it can’t be good. I loved the cast of series 10, wi...

I Wish You a Very Love Island Christmas

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Between Rupaul’s Drag Race All Stars 4 and my weekly disappointment watching Riverdale, I thought I was pretty well-covered on the telly front. But then, lo and behold, a Christmas special of Love Island was brought out. Because what’s more festive than watching a bunch of talentless, botoxed ninnies prancing around a house that’s far nicer than one I’ll ever live in, drinking watered down cocktails and arguing about their various petty relationship problems. What do you mean ‘literally anything’? Maybe ‘Christmas special’ is a bit of a grandiose term for what was essentially just a reunion with this year’s cast, but as the holidays are coming they did try hard to make the episode Christmassy. I was ready to have a good snicker/eye roll at the tacky Christmas-themed bikinis the girls would be forced to wear – which I’ll admit puts me in as bad a light as the producers who make this show – but instead viewers were treated to the tacky eyesore of cheap Motel Rocks outfits (apar...

Regarding Riverdale: You'll Fly, Too

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Watching Riverdale is a bit like getting a bad wax job; you go into it feeling nervous, it hurts during, and then afterwards you’re not even that much better off. This is my third rant about the teen drama but if you’re up to speed with it – spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen any of Season 3 – you'll likely agree that it’s perfectly justified. The direction this show has taken has gone from a bit bizarre to certifiably insane, and I’m very angry about it. Therefore, it’s time for my review no one asked for of Riverdale Season 3 so far. This season picks up with the ever-so-irritating narration from Jughead. “It’s the calm before the storm” he says, which makes me nervously think that seasons 1 and 2 were the ‘calm’ of actual sane television viewing, and the storm is the insanity on our screens now. But he’s actually referring to “the summer before your junior year in high school”. “Junior year?” I said to my friend, outraged. “That’s lower sixth. That means they w...

Netflix Swung and Missed. Twice.

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Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries , according to Google. It’s produced some absolute gems, from my all-time favourite Stranger Things to the smash hit Orange is the New Black (which I’ll admit I’ve never actually watched), and you aren’t just limited to Netflix originals either. But you know this. Netflix is great and well worth the subscription fee – and that’s coming from someone stingier than Stingy from Lazy Town – but not everything on there is perfect, which is where my opinion no one asked for comes in. Recently I’ve watched two Netflix originals and for lack of a better word, they both sucked. So – and this is where a big spoiler alert comes in – I’m going to rant about the series Insatiable and the movie Sierra Burgess is a Loser , which collectively adds up to about fourteen hours of my life I’ll never get back. We’ll start with Insatiable . If you asked me to describe Insatiable ...

A Love Letter to EasyJet

They should be called 'DifficultJet' instead (ha ha ha I'm so funny where's my spot on Live at the Apollo already?) I am an impatient person. Waiting is irritating, having nothing to do is irritating, and nothing bores me more than sitting around a setting like an airport (can we also take a moment to slag off how outrageously unfair it is that Bristol airport only allows for TWO HOURS free Wi-Fi?) with no one to talk to and only a Closer magazine to read. I am writing this because last year, as I'm sure anyone who's ever spoken to me will know, I had a flight from Nice to Newcastle that was cancelled. Full-on cancelled, my first ever holiday as an independent adult and literally the worst thing that could have happened happened, leaving me stranded in France and delaying my time of making it home by 53 hours. Cue myself and my friend Charlotte queuing at EasyJet customer services for FIVE BLOODY HOURS while the unbelievably rude French staff - and there wer...

Eurovision 2018

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Eurovision 2018 was one of the best and biggest yet, with a record-breaking 43 countries participating, even if only 26 made it to the Grand Final. It was classic Eurovision, with spectacular stage lights and whizzing camera work that made me a bit dizzy. This year the big night was hosted in Lisbon for the first time ever. The hosts were four pretty, glamorous women (who had a few outfit changes throughout the night, and one of whom, as Graham Norton rather cattily pointed out, had enormously long arms). They had a 'moment of comedy' halfway through the show about how they've only just won for the first time because they stuck to their principles and only ever entered sad, 'meaningful' songs, which may indeed be hilarious to the Portuguese, but I was just left scratching my head. Good for them for finally getting to host, though. I just hope they made the most of it. Israel won, with Netta Barzilai's song 'Toy' being both the bookies' fave ...