You've Got The Love, Love Island
"It's amazing how nothing is happening but it feels like a lot is happening." - James Wreglesworth
This TV show is dangerously addictive. I can thoroughly relate to the onslaught of memes from people who spend every day waiting for nine o'clock and their daily dose of Ibiza-themed drama. But for those of you that have missed an episode, or for fellow fans, I've done a review for each of the most recent eight episodes. Read 'A Prude's Perspective' if you want to know my take on the pilot.
In episode two, a version of Spin The Bottle was played, featuring kind of disgusting shots of slow motion kissing. A statement was said about one of the islanders, and whoever the others believed it to be about got a kiss. It was very revealing (kudos to Dom and his foursome). Kem, who is steadfastly my favourite, especially as his freestyling trumps Marcel's entire music career, told a wee porky about Amber, saying her sleeping with two blokes in one night put him off. It didn't; the Essex lad was practically salivating. Plus, he still went there.
A fiercely angry Montana continued to hate Jess due to the war over Dom, especially as Dom and Jess got to go on a date. I have never seen a man look more chuffed than Dom, smiling over two girls fighting over him. I can't see the appeal, although he has lovely white teeth. I certainly wouldn't look like this if he turned me down.
Episode three featured Sam saying the Middlesbrough equivalent of "a gentleman never tells" before then spilling the details about what he and Olivia got up to. But wait, Sam was coupled with Camilla, right? Correct, but Camilla, who is an intelligent breath of fresh air in the steamy villa, reasonably pointed out that she's only known Sam for three days and doesn't want to get in the way of people hitting it off. "I need someone on my wavelength," she said. You go, Camilla. Girl power. Also notable in this episode; Marcel was in Blazing Squad. What, you didn't know?
The fourth episode can be summed up entirely in quotes, and my thoughts on them.
"Have you got good craic?" - Always get your dating priorities right.
"You've been around." - No, Jonny, Camilla is just well-traveled.
"I've waited for this kiss for so long." - KEM IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS AND YOU'VE ALREADY KISSED.
"You've got real come-to-bed eyes." - HE'S SQUINTING CHLOE IT'S SUNNY.
"I keep my guard up." - Aye, Olivia, because appearing on national television is a surefire way to keep up your guard.
Amber plummeted in my estimations by messing around poor Kem in episode five. Amber, this is Love Island, not Open Basket Island. She did a lot of "he said, she said" style meddling, making Kem paranoid of Chris by implying Chris was coming onto her. She then had a go at Kem, hinting he was too intense for her and that he needed to give her some space. Then, in what has been my favourite moment so far, Kem hit Amber in the face with a pillow because she was rolling her eyes, smirking and laughing at him. Just brilliant, and thoroughly deserved, in my opinion. Sweet revenge! Amber even cried. What an overreaction.
Not quite the pillow talk you had in mind, eh Kem?
Things got even sadder - hence why the played 'Breathe Me' by Sia (what a ridiculous song choice by the way), as it was time for one of the boys to go home. It was Harley who was left without a couple, due to Camilla picking dates over mates. I can't say I'll miss Harley, even if his skin-tight white jeans make me chuckle.
I missed the first fifteen minutes of episode six thanks to The Handmaid's Tale, which I thoroughly recommend if you want to get your feminist on. There are two new girls, Gabby and - I kid you not - Tyne-Lexy. Tyne. As in the river. She also has very glass-looking eyes that I find a bit creepy. But that had nothing on Dom NOT KNOWING MARCEL WAS IN BLAZING SQUAD. HOW DID HE NOT KNOW? HAS HE BEEN IN A COMA? HAD HE DIED AND BEEN BROUGHT BACK BY JESUS HIMSELF?! HOW DID HE NOT KNOW?! Marcel saying he doesn't bring it up often is like saying the sky is bloody green!
On to episode seven. The two new girls got to pick two boys each to go on dates with; the boys even had to cook for them. Gabby picked Chris and Marcel, and Tyne-Lexy picked Dom and Chris. Lucky Chris, eh? Unlucky, actually, since he's so bad at cooking he can't even slice a baguette evenly. "[The food] was brilliant," Gabby said, even though she left half of it.
Finally, episode eight, aka The Big One. It all kicked off. This really was an orgy of egos. “Everyone in this house fancies me” says Chris. I can prove him wrong; Camilla doesn’t, because she has a quality called common sense, and THE MEN DON’T. SO THAT’S NOT EVERYONE. Olivia, in a move I can only describe as ‘mental’ dumped the rather likeable Sam in hopes of bedding Chris. Clearly she’s into egomaniacs. An intermission of romance came in the form of Kem and Amber, who went on a fruit picking date. Amber is so dim she didn’t twig that they were lemons rather than oranges. If only it was obvious what colour an orange is. Jesus.
More romance was on the table for Jess’ birthday, as Dom wrote her a ‘poem’ (blissfully interrupted by Kem popping open a bottle of champagne). But the birthday was interrupted by Chris being very nasty to poor Chloe; “Don’t bitch about me!” he yelled after her the second she said “I don’t want to slag anyone off.” Marcel got a bit involved, despite it ‘not being his drama’. Then Sam, understandably stung, had a pop at the snakey Chris, resulting in Chris yelling after a very cross Sam as he was dragged away. But it couldn't end there, as Olivia proved herself to be ‘not confrontational’, as she described herself, by screaming at poor Montana and even making her cry. In later glorious scenes, Marcel, the HERO of this show, had a go at Olivia by sticking up for his mate, Montana. Marcel, you are a diamond among rocks.
"In what world is this confrontational? La La Land?" she shouted. What a nasty piece of work.
But the best thing about all the fighting? Kem's stunned face when he stumbled into the bedroom whilst Olivia stormed out. Just beautiful.
To cap it all off, and Dom and Jess shagged and Kem and Amber shagged. Huzzah!
All images belong to ITV.
This TV show is dangerously addictive. I can thoroughly relate to the onslaught of memes from people who spend every day waiting for nine o'clock and their daily dose of Ibiza-themed drama. But for those of you that have missed an episode, or for fellow fans, I've done a review for each of the most recent eight episodes. Read 'A Prude's Perspective' if you want to know my take on the pilot.
In episode two, a version of Spin The Bottle was played, featuring kind of disgusting shots of slow motion kissing. A statement was said about one of the islanders, and whoever the others believed it to be about got a kiss. It was very revealing (kudos to Dom and his foursome). Kem, who is steadfastly my favourite, especially as his freestyling trumps Marcel's entire music career, told a wee porky about Amber, saying her sleeping with two blokes in one night put him off. It didn't; the Essex lad was practically salivating. Plus, he still went there.
A fiercely angry Montana continued to hate Jess due to the war over Dom, especially as Dom and Jess got to go on a date. I have never seen a man look more chuffed than Dom, smiling over two girls fighting over him. I can't see the appeal, although he has lovely white teeth. I certainly wouldn't look like this if he turned me down.
Episode three featured Sam saying the Middlesbrough equivalent of "a gentleman never tells" before then spilling the details about what he and Olivia got up to. But wait, Sam was coupled with Camilla, right? Correct, but Camilla, who is an intelligent breath of fresh air in the steamy villa, reasonably pointed out that she's only known Sam for three days and doesn't want to get in the way of people hitting it off. "I need someone on my wavelength," she said. You go, Camilla. Girl power. Also notable in this episode; Marcel was in Blazing Squad. What, you didn't know?
The fourth episode can be summed up entirely in quotes, and my thoughts on them.
"Have you got good craic?" - Always get your dating priorities right.
"You've been around." - No, Jonny, Camilla is just well-traveled.
"I've waited for this kiss for so long." - KEM IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS AND YOU'VE ALREADY KISSED.
"You've got real come-to-bed eyes." - HE'S SQUINTING CHLOE IT'S SUNNY.
"I keep my guard up." - Aye, Olivia, because appearing on national television is a surefire way to keep up your guard.
Amber plummeted in my estimations by messing around poor Kem in episode five. Amber, this is Love Island, not Open Basket Island. She did a lot of "he said, she said" style meddling, making Kem paranoid of Chris by implying Chris was coming onto her. She then had a go at Kem, hinting he was too intense for her and that he needed to give her some space. Then, in what has been my favourite moment so far, Kem hit Amber in the face with a pillow because she was rolling her eyes, smirking and laughing at him. Just brilliant, and thoroughly deserved, in my opinion. Sweet revenge! Amber even cried. What an overreaction.
Not quite the pillow talk you had in mind, eh Kem?
Things got even sadder - hence why the played 'Breathe Me' by Sia (what a ridiculous song choice by the way), as it was time for one of the boys to go home. It was Harley who was left without a couple, due to Camilla picking dates over mates. I can't say I'll miss Harley, even if his skin-tight white jeans make me chuckle.
I missed the first fifteen minutes of episode six thanks to The Handmaid's Tale, which I thoroughly recommend if you want to get your feminist on. There are two new girls, Gabby and - I kid you not - Tyne-Lexy. Tyne. As in the river. She also has very glass-looking eyes that I find a bit creepy. But that had nothing on Dom NOT KNOWING MARCEL WAS IN BLAZING SQUAD. HOW DID HE NOT KNOW? HAS HE BEEN IN A COMA? HAD HE DIED AND BEEN BROUGHT BACK BY JESUS HIMSELF?! HOW DID HE NOT KNOW?! Marcel saying he doesn't bring it up often is like saying the sky is bloody green!
On to episode seven. The two new girls got to pick two boys each to go on dates with; the boys even had to cook for them. Gabby picked Chris and Marcel, and Tyne-Lexy picked Dom and Chris. Lucky Chris, eh? Unlucky, actually, since he's so bad at cooking he can't even slice a baguette evenly. "[The food] was brilliant," Gabby said, even though she left half of it.
Finally, episode eight, aka The Big One. It all kicked off. This really was an orgy of egos. “Everyone in this house fancies me” says Chris. I can prove him wrong; Camilla doesn’t, because she has a quality called common sense, and THE MEN DON’T. SO THAT’S NOT EVERYONE. Olivia, in a move I can only describe as ‘mental’ dumped the rather likeable Sam in hopes of bedding Chris. Clearly she’s into egomaniacs. An intermission of romance came in the form of Kem and Amber, who went on a fruit picking date. Amber is so dim she didn’t twig that they were lemons rather than oranges. If only it was obvious what colour an orange is. Jesus.
More romance was on the table for Jess’ birthday, as Dom wrote her a ‘poem’ (blissfully interrupted by Kem popping open a bottle of champagne). But the birthday was interrupted by Chris being very nasty to poor Chloe; “Don’t bitch about me!” he yelled after her the second she said “I don’t want to slag anyone off.” Marcel got a bit involved, despite it ‘not being his drama’. Then Sam, understandably stung, had a pop at the snakey Chris, resulting in Chris yelling after a very cross Sam as he was dragged away. But it couldn't end there, as Olivia proved herself to be ‘not confrontational’, as she described herself, by screaming at poor Montana and even making her cry. In later glorious scenes, Marcel, the HERO of this show, had a go at Olivia by sticking up for his mate, Montana. Marcel, you are a diamond among rocks.
"In what world is this confrontational? La La Land?" she shouted. What a nasty piece of work.
But the best thing about all the fighting? Kem's stunned face when he stumbled into the bedroom whilst Olivia stormed out. Just beautiful.
To cap it all off, and Dom and Jess shagged and Kem and Amber shagged. Huzzah!
All images belong to ITV.
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